The Reluctant Expat's Honest Story

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WHAT IS TRAILING SPOUSE SYNDROME?

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Trailing spouse syndrome describes the stress, loss of identity, and isolation that can affect a partner who relocates abroad for someone else's job. Dina Honour, who moved from New York to Cyprus for her husband's career, describes her own first year as brutal, marked by a loss of identity and a disconnect between how she felt and how she thought she should feel given the opportunity she'd been given.

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WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN A MOVE ABROAD ISN'T WORKING?

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Honour and her husband built a standing ritual they call Free Fall Tuesdays, a weekly coffee-shop check-in with one consistent question: what's on the horizon. Treating a difficult relocation as a planning problem, rather than a verdict on the decision itself, gave them a structure to actually act on dissatisfaction instead of just enduring it.

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WHY DO MOVES ABROAD PUT STRAIN ON A MARRIAGE?

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The partner whose job brought the family abroad typically keeps a familiar routine, the same kind of job, often the same kind of office. The accompanying partner rebuilds an entire life from scratch: new grocery stores, new schools, new doctors, often in a new language. Honour notes that divorce rates among couples who relocate internationally can run higher than people expect, and that acknowledging this imbalance in advance, rather than discovering it after the move, can change how a couple plans for it.

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HOW DO THIRD CULTURE KIDS IDENTIFY WITH MULTIPLE COUNTRIES?

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Rather than being caught between cultures, as the common "triangle" metaphor suggests, Honour describes her own children as moving through cultures like a wave, picking up what fits from each place they've lived and leaving the rest. Siblings raised in the same homes can still identify very differently, one of her sons identifies more strongly as British, the other as American, despite an identical upbringing.

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WHAT DO PEOPLE MISUNDERSTAND ABOUT MOVING ABROAD?

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The parts people romanticize, travel, scenery, household help, are often not representative of daily life, especially in Northern Europe. Most of the actual adjustment is mundane: figuring out an unfamiliar washing machine, identifying an unfamiliar cut of meat at the butcher, all while operating in a completely different cultural and administrative system than the one a person grew up with.

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ABOUT THE GUEST

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Dina Honour is an author who has lived abroad for nearly twenty years across Cyprus, Copenhagen, and Germany.

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ABOUT YOUR HOST

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Arielle Tucker, CFP® & IRS Enrolled Agent with Connected Financial Planning, is a cross-border financial planner based in Switzerland helping Americans living abroad navigate U.S. taxes, international investments, and cross-border financial planning.

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ABOUT PASSPORT TO WEALTH®

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Passport To Wealth® is the platform for current and aspiring US expats looking for trusted, fiduciary support. We connect globally mobile Americans with expert, licensed cross-border financial advisors, tax professionals, and relocation experts who understand the financial and legal complexities of life abroad. For guidance tailored to your specific situation, book a paid expat expert consultation today.

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LINKS & RESOURCES

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• Subscribe to Our Monthly Newsletter: https://www.passporttowealth.com/contact
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/passporttowealthofficial
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/passport-to-wealth
• Buy Dina's books: https://dinahonour.com/image-portfolio
• Subscribe to American Woman: https://dinahonour.substack.com

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_{This episode is for educational purposes only and does not constitute tax, legal, or financial advice. Individual circumstances vary. Consult a qualified cross-border financial professional before making any financial or tax decisions.}