10 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Move Abroad

Moving abroad is often romanticized – especially these days with social media.

Often, the negatives can feel like an unpleasant surprise that hits after you’ve arrived in your new home. After all, it’s easy to travel somewhere and imagine living there – what’s less easy is remembering why you chose to uproot your life in a country where you spoke the local language, understood social norms, and, in most cases, felt comfortable in your own skin.

Below are ten important questions and considerations to meditate on, journal about, or have open conversations with a trusted family member about so that you can move abroad clear-eyed about how transformative the experience will truly be.

1. Why do you want to move?

Consider what excites you about a potential move, how it may help or influence your partnership or family, are your values in line with the move, and what are you worried about in this move.

Ask yourself this question. Have your partner do it too. Share your answers. Ask clarifying questions.

This conversation is important. There are many people offering help to those who want to move abroad by injecting fear into those who want to make the jump overseas. Fear is not the answer. Fear will follow you, and it will also send you back home…always remember, if you’re running from something, it will find you.

2. Things will be different

Life in the United States is very different from life outside of the United States. One should not expect that there are going to be stores open from 8 a.m. to midnight. One should not expect a Starbucks on every corner. One should not expect customer service to be at the level it is in the USA.

One should expect that customs, traditions, food/dishes, and even something as “simple” as coffee, will be done differently in every country. This is part of the adventure – and if you’re reading this and thinking, “That doesn’t actually sound much fun,” then good. You’re doing important reflecting!

3. American Culture v. The World

Without going super deep into cultural theory, the way that Americans on average are is very different from other people around the world.

For example: Americans are very much self promoters. Abroad, this doesn’t work.

In fact, many come to the US for work or school and really struggle with this, as self-promotion is something that just doesn’t exist, especially to the extent that we do in the US, overseas.

Study up on the cultural differences of what makes us different as Americans. See how you’re similar or different. Learning about yourself and what makes you tick allows you to be better off when you’re in a different country.

4. Different countries: different customs, culture and accepted societal ways of life

There are going to be different cultural ways in which things are done.

For example, in some countries, they don’t eat dinner until 9pm.

In some countries, breakfast is considered to be something sweet.

In some countries, doctors only see you in a reactive, “heal me, I’m sick” way and will not prescribe antibiotics unless you are struggling with some kind of infection (and often after 7-14 days to see if your body can fight it off on its own).

Are you ok with doing things differently?

Are you ok with understanding that some things can not be changed or adapted to you?

One can absolutely decide to have dinner at 6 pm in their own home, but in some countries, the restaurants do not open until 8 or 9 pm. Other things, like medical care, are societal and will not be adjusted or altered at all. (Although one workaround here is to seek out recommendations for local doctors who have studied in the U.S.; in some cases, they may have a rapport that feels more familiar.)

5. Insights into ways of life and good-fit factor

Find people who are open to having a cup of coffee with you. In person is best, but virtual coffees work too.

For example: If you’re thinking about moving to Costa Rica, see if there’s anyone in your network who is from the place or nearby where you want to move. Maybe you know someone who’s lived there for at least a year but is not originally from there. That perspective is also valuable – and rather than asking the other person to reminisce about their time there, ask them specific questions.

• What was something they never quite got used to?
• What was something they initially hated, but came to tolerate?
• Was there anything they initially disliked but came to really appreciate?

This will give you a window into the culture and the ways that they do things.

Other questions for reflection

• Is the culture you want to move to a culture that’s incredibly warm, and everyone welcomes you and brings you into their home?
• Is the culture you want to move to very direct, and do people get straight to the point?
• Is it a culture in which people will want to compromise with everyone?
• Is it a culture in which society expects everyone to pitch in to make spaces (e.g., parks) better?

These things about a culture can help you understand it a lot better and help you move, prepared.

6. Culture v. Values

It’s important to make sure the place you want to move to is in line with who you are and your values. Families in particular will find this important.

If you’re a family that uses implicit communication, a very direct culture could be very confronting.

Looking at some cultural theories like The Culture Map by Erin Meyer or the 7 Dimensions of Culture by Trompenaars allow you to see what are the connections or similarities between your culture and your potential host culture.

Furthermore, books like Global Dexterity by Andy Molinsky can help you to adjust and bridge the gap between cultures.

7. Children’s needs: not all countries will provide support in the same ways

It is important to find the right school for your children (particularly if you have specific needs, such as a program that is outdoor-focused, or perhaps offers individualized academic attention to each student, a dedicated sports program, etc), yet it is very important to consider the special needs of your child.

Each country handles special needs in a different way. Just because the United States has a way to support you, doesn’t mean that 1) that support is available everywhere or 2) that you will have an easy time requesting it via all the paperwork that could be in a language you are not yet fluent in.

This is necessary research that needs to be done in advance of your move.

8. Values, Boundaries, and Fears Foundation as a Couple (wanting to go overseas)

You and your partner need to get on the same page before you move.

Speaking about your values as a couple and as a family sets up the foundation for your move.

What are your boundaries? What are your fears about the potential move?

Your values will provide the right path forward like a compass.

Your boundaries will provide structure, like guardrails.

Your fears are a beautiful way for you to support each other.

Here, it’s really important you’re honest and open with each other. Ask clarifying questions. This vulnerability creates intimacy. One partner’s fears could be supported if they are expressed. A partner’s reluctance left unsaid could be what makes a beautiful life unravel.

9. How comfortable are you living life on your own?

Of course, you’ll have your family and your partner, yet for the first few months, you’ll be a family living in a new country. This means lots of adventures and exploration, and it also means being isolated for a while. It takes time to build a village. In addition, after that adventure wears off, homesickness can settle in, having you miss everything from back home.

Be ready for this. When this happens, this is a good time to dig in deep and support each other fully. Spend time exploring as a family and talking about these challenges and emotions. Individually, make sure you give space to these feelings and emotions and do something that doesn’t deny them space but allows them to be. Journaling is great, as you have written documentation of how you’re evolving. Other things to do could be long walks, mindful time with a cup of tea and silence, or, if you’re more experienced, daily meditation. You need to let the emotions come and go, and doing these things can assist by allowing them to dissipate and be held.

Lastly, do not undervalue the power of expat friendships and exploring new activities that allow you to make friends. This can easily start with something you love to do and finding ways to do that in your new country.

10. Pick three places that you want to live in and research them fully.

Research their culture, language, weather, values, cost of living, and pace of life.

It’s so easy to be sold this or that by what you see on TikTok or Instagram. Some countries will not speak English easily, and others get rain for 200 days of the year. Some countries will value frugality while others will value grandeur. Some countries are hard workers, and others are much more focused on work-life balance. Some countries may be very much in favor of the citizen in all means, yet the real estate market is very challenging and expensive. This will prepare you for what to expect about a country and not to over-romanticize things.

All of these are very important in the foundation of taking that leap to go overseas. If one makes intentional decisions, does the research, and has open communication with the family, this will make an international move as successful as possible.

About the Author

Angela Vitiello founded Expat Parenting Collective to offer resources to people who found themselves abroad and in need of clarity and purpose. Many of the people she works with are seeking to reclaim a part of themselves; the crisis of identity is a common one in this beautiful life.

The Expat Parenting Collective offers one-on-one and couples coaching, breathwork and a 12-week group program to support parents navigating life in a new culture away from family, babysitters, and the familiar parts of home. Learn more about Angela Vitiello and her work.